Just Thinking About Stuff

Oh my goodness I think I actually like my daughters new boyfriend. Believe me I was ready to really not like this guy. My daughter is 20 and her b/f is 30! She met him at work.
Well, he came over last night and he seems like a decent guy. When he came back today my jaw literally hit the floor when he told me he had a talk with Heather last night. In only that one night he observed this scene: I came home from work and since I had to give up driving my car this week (can't afford the insurance) I take the train and then a trolley to get to work. This also involves a good 20-25 minute walk and takes roughly 1 1/2 hours. Well, after work I came in sat down for about 5 minutes after greeting my granddaughter and getting lots of hugs and loveys. Then the routine started. I started picking up all the junk laying around on the floor (empty soda cans, junk mail, etc.), fixed dinner for my granddaughter and sat with her, cleaned up that mess (she's 17-months old, lol, don't need to say more) then sat and played with her for a good while. Then did all the dishes from the night before (I'm too darned tired at the end of the night to do them), gave my granddaughter a bath and got her ready for bed and then finally got around to cook dinner for everyone else. It takes a little bit to make chicken cutlets and all the fixings. By the time I finished all of this it was 11:00 p.m.!
My daughter gets upset when anyone says anything to her about the fact that Mom does ALL the work. I sometimes wonder what she would do if I weren't here. She also knows the possibility of that happening! I had a triple bypass back in November of 1998, having heart disease and running around like a chicken with its head cut off is not a good combination. Well, that and I started smoking again... I know, I know.
I quit for 4 years after my heart surgery and started again. How stupid is that? Dumbest thing I've ever done. There were a lot of things going in my life at that time and I suppose that's what helped me start again. I can actually remember lighting up that first cigarette and crying about it. It was a very bad year for me in 2003. I was burning the candle at both ends. I worked full-time, was going to college part-time and dealing with a newly diagnosed bi-polar teenage daughter. Plus I had never properly dealt with my fathers suicide in 2000 either. Needless to say my depression got bad enough that I had to stay in the hospital for a week.
At first I was really upset that I was told I "had" to go but after getting there I realized I needed the help I was being offered. I took them up on it too, even going for intensive therapy for a month afterward. I took Effexor for a while but found I do better without anti-depressant meds, they seem to a bad mix with my other meds for my heart, blood pressure, thyroid and don't mix well at all with tramadol! I take the tramadol for my FMS pain and I'm sorry but I'm not giving that up. It takes just enough of an edge off of the pain so I can function and try to live a somewhat normal life. Without it just getting out of bed is nearly impossible let alone all the things I need to get done.
Anway, I'm truly glad I got help from doctors to deal with my depression and other issues I had tried to squelch for years. Talking to someone really helped me put things into perspective, especially my father's suicide. That was especially tough for me because I'm the one who had to make the decision regarding removing his life support. I pray no one has to go through that, although I know there are times it happens. My father took 60 blood pressure pills and had been dead for 15 minutes when paramedics revived him. In the intensive care he was in a coma and doctors could not determine if he was brain dead or not in spite of all their testing. After talking to them and my sister-in-law (thank you God for giving me her as a friend) I made the decision to have all but the feeding tube removed. The doctor described to me about removing the feeding tube and if he was aware it would have been a horrible way to die. I sat there beside my father's hospital bed and although he was in a coma talked to him. I told him I remembered that he said if he were ever in this position to make sure he was not left like a vegetable. At that moment even though his eyes never opened he smiled. I sometimes question my decision to remove the life support and then remember the smile. It's that smile that gets me through my decision. Did I make the right decision? I'm sure there are those who would argue that I played God and shouldn't have removed the life support. But, it was what my father wanted and I truly believe that if God didn't want me to do it He would have found a way to let me know. I'm not big on praying but on that day I did, seeking guidance, so I truly believe I made the right decision.
Well, off I go the troops are home!